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News

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > video > america-in-mourning-after-hearing-that-harry-and-meghan-are-leaving

America In Mourning After Hearing That Harry And Meghan Are Leaving

1+ week, 2+ day ago   (12+ words) babylonbee.com...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > confirmed-reel-of-all-your-lifes-bloopers-to-be-played-when-you-arrive-in-heaven

Confirmed: Reel Of All Your Life's Bloopers To Be Played When You Arrive In Heaven

2+ week, 5+ day ago   (231+ words) ETERNITY — According to heavenly sources, the newly deceased who enter into the Lord's rest are shown a blooper reel that spans their entire lives for everyone to laugh at. Hot off the heels of judgment, newcomers in Heaven must also…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > hollywood-working-on-darker-grittier-reboot-of-howdy-doody

Hollywood Working On Darker, Grittier Reboot Of 'Howdy Doody"

2+ week, 5+ day ago   (226+ words) LOS ANGELES, CA — Nearly 65 years after The Howdy Doody Show was canceled, NBCUniversal announced plans to bring back the beloved character in a dark, gritty reboot. Children in the 40s and 50s who grew up watching The Howdy Doody Show are now…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > father-puts-kids-up-for-adoption-after-they-say-uhf-isnt-funny

Father Puts Kids Up For Adoption After They Say 'UHF' Isn't Funny

2+ week, 6+ day ago   (39+ words) PEORIA, IL — County officials said they would not stand in the way after local man Christopher P. Smith putting his children up for adoption after they told him the 1989 "Weird" Al Yankovic film UHF wasn't funny....

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > bruce-banner-reveals-his-secret-to-becoming-hulk-is-that-hes-always-angry-at-the-jews-444

Bruce Banner Reveals His Secret To Becoming Hulk Is That He's Always Angry At The Jews

2+ week, 6+ day ago   (44+ words) NEW YORK, NY — Over the weekend, Dr. Robert Bruce Banner shared a little insight into how he was able to maintain some semblance of control over his transformation into the Incredible Hulk by confirming a deep, personal secret: he's always…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > england-welcomes-meghan-markle-back-with-mandatory-burqa

England Welcomes Meghan Markle Back With Mandatory Burqa

3+ week, 2+ day ago   (23+ words) LONDON — The Duchess of Sussex was welcomed back to England with open arms and a legally mandated burqa on Friday, according to sources....

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > america-descends-into-mourning-upon-news-that-harry-and-meghan-are-leaving

America Descends Into Mourning Upon News That Harry And Meghan Are Leaving

3+ week, 3+ day ago   (155+ words) U.S. — The United States of America plunged into collective sorrow and mourning yesterday upon learning the devastating news that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle would be moving back to England. Citizens wept openly in the streets, wondering how America would be…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > no-sweetie-you-cant-get-any-more-lego-sets-until-you-build-the-ones-you-already-have-woman-reminds-39-year-old-husband

'No, Sweetie, You Can't Get Any More Lego Sets Until You Build The Ones You Already Have,' Woman Reminds 39-Year-Old Husband

3+ week, 4+ day ago   (28+ words) MADISON, WI — Local wife Tamara Dotson gently informed her husband this week that he couldn't have any more Lego sets until he finished building the ones he had....

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > young-earth-creationist-has-no-explanation-for-fact-that-nancy-pelosi-is-12000-years-old

Young-Earth Creationist Has No Explanation For Fact That Nancy Pelosi Is 12,000 Years Old

3+ week, 4+ day ago   (162+ words) PETERSBURG, KY — A local young-earth creationist is reportedly suffering a crisis of faith after realizing he has no explanation for the fact that Nancy Pelosi is 12,000 years old. Thomas Paley, who is a firm believer that God created the Earth…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > embarrassing-moment-as-mike-johnson-and-nancy-mace-realize-they-got-matching-tattoos

Embarrassing Moment As Mike Johnson And Nancy Mace Realize They Got Matching Tattoos

3+ week, 5+ day ago   (31+ words) WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Republican Party was hit with an awkward incident on Tuesday after Rep. Nancy Mace and House Speaker Mike Johnson discovered they had gotten matching arm tattoos by mistake....